Hoares, Boyfriends and Rainbow Wormies ^_^

The other day I looked through my old school photos and certificates and stuff and remembered that my first grade and second grade teachers were like this family joke with me because my first grade teacher was Mrs. Hoare (as in pronounced whore) and my second grade teacher was Mrs. Gamble.
I swear.
My friends were like: "hahahahaha so THAT'S what happened to you!"
(But that's also what they said when I told them my mom told me that once she dropped me when I was a baby and I hit my head like hard AND I bounced and she started crying because she thought I was dead but then later the doctors confirmed I was just knocked out for a while.)

Anyway, it got me thinking of the good ol' days when my primary worries were how was I going to manage to peek into the boys' bathroom without anyone noticing instead of when will I be expelled at my current high school, for what :P It makes me think of the days when my fictional crush was on Bugs Bunny and not Wolverine. (Yes, I'm serious)


I remember well during my long-ago toy-playing days, that I was always the bad influence among my friends.
The poor kids didn't even know what sex was, while I literally performed the whole kama sutra for them with the dolls.
Most of the time, though, I hanged with the boys where my love for toy cars and LEGOS *dramatic background music* took over. The boys absolutely fascinated me, whereas the girls thought I was weird. Although that is pretty understandable, considering my sexually assaulting all the barbies.
In kindergarten there was also this invisible, but golden rule - the girls liked pink and the boys liked blue. If anyone asked what your favorite color was, you'd have to reply according to the structure, and mean it.
Only two people dared beat the system. I secretly liked blue. And dalmation, but that's more of a pattern than a color. It counted for me, though.
The other person was my sort-of best friend, who screamed loudly and bluntly that she liked purple. *Shock. Horror.*
My kindergarten companion... she was seriously awesome. She had very bright red hair, freckles, very white skin, very blue eyes, very uneven teeth and she had a slight mental condition... It wasn't bad, the worst she'd do was scream some random stuff, wet herself a lot and eat snails out of the garden. I suggested that she suck them out of the shells instead of chewing them, though, when a piece got stuck in her throat one day and she almost killed herself.
Trust me to befriend the insane.


I also remember I had a rivalry with my back-then ultimate enemy, the bratty, blond Monique. We hated everything about one another, but shared one ambition... to star as The Pink Princess in the pre-primary school play... that was like the ultimate. The teacher said that whoever was the goodest, could get the role. It was war. I was succeeding, and Monique performed her evil scheme to stop me: she threw some toys in the bin and said it was me! *gasp! horror!*
She was the pink princess, alright... but I got my revenge.
I pushed her too high on the swing one day until she freaked, jumped off while still in the air, smashed her face and wet herself. I didn't mean for that bit to happen though, I was just hoping to scare her with the height, or maybe I was taking my frustrations out on the swing, can't remember. Oh well. ;)
And you know the cherry on top? To my utter smugness, in the following year's play, I was the Arabian Princess. I've still got that photo somewhere, my six-year-old nipple peeking out of the too-big bellydance outfit top.


Another great childhood memory, was my first love, Ulrich. So no, I wasn't THAT uncool in kindergarten, besides my awesomely disturbed best friend, I had a boyfriend - funnily enough the one ALL the little girls wanted. :P
We actually dated for quite a while, three years if my bad math is correct. (Ugh can you believe the longest, most stable relationship I've ever had was the one I had at the age of six?)
I dumped him in second grade though for this really cute blond boy who was, unfortunately, absolutely terrified of me :P
Anyway, little Ulrich and I always played fairy king and fairy queen on the jungle gyms, held hands when nobody was looking and shared our first awkward kiss under the table in Wimpy, between the high heels of his mom and the hairy legs of his dad.
Oh, and I can proudly say that my first ever gift from a guy was a wooden gun with some random crayon markings on it. How romantic. That's my Ulrich.

As for my fashion sense, it was always as famous as it is now :P
My version of normal is most people's version of halloween... The only difference is I don't wear my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle suit anymore. It had a stuffed shell and everything.


I could read before I went to school, but I could only write short words and rude words. Poo was the favorite.
So moving on to primary school, I remember running up to the classroom excitedly, ignoring all the kids, ignoring my mom, and practically jumping up the teacher, asking Mrs. Hoare whether I would learn to read and write that year.
Despite my evil streak, I was immediately and always the favorite :P

I remember at some stage there was this thing where we bred and sold silk worms for pocket money, and I was big in business. I had nice, big, fat huge ones right through to the tiny cute ones. I was rolling in the cash, overcharging all my customers drastically. Back in the day I was actually, surprisingly, the best at maths.
Anyway, then my friend Chris came along and priced his worms 1c each. You just can't get a lower price than that. Nobody bought my worms any more. I was furious.
So you know what I did? I concocted the most genius, brilliant, evil scheme of all time! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! *evil background music*
Sorry, got a little ahead of myself there.
Anyway, I proceeded to color my worms in with different colored highlighters, which made them not "just white" or "just white with black stripes". I had fucking rainbow wormies.
All the kids wanted them, not stopping to question how I got them that way or why they died within the next three days. The dying just made it better - I sold more that way :P

God, little kids are dumb.